Today throughout the entire day I was treated like an adult. Like a fully capable of rationale thought person who has the right to make their own decisions about life. It was such a welcome change from being around my mother I almost didn't even know how to act. I got my first of hopefully multiple piercings. I asked him if ihe thought I should get it and he just said if you want it. I didn't even comprehend for a second being able to make that choice on my own. Perhaps my mother has crippled me from being able to make my own decisions in the real world. Perhaps I only got the piercing to spite her, and to further distance myself from the closed minded attitudes of the people I've been around for so long.
On another note, spent the weekend with Lindsay and Sarah in part, while Lindsay spent the whole weekend trying to get into brianas pants. Which I found intensely amusing. It did however force me to examine my feelings for both of them. As far as Lindsay, she was and is my first love, and I will always hold feelings for her. I'm truly happy that she is with Sarah, and I'm even more pleased that that fact makes me happy. Sign of maturity I suppose. Briana... My feelings for her as a friend were horridly muddled by the breakup with Lindsay, when Lindsay disappeared I panicked I guess and ran to the closest person after with boobs as lindsay puts it, which unfortunately happened to be briana. I suppose I did have a crush on her, but it was never as serious as all that, and I honestly don't think we would make a good couple. She is a good friend, and I hope for it to stay that way.
I suppose it's my fault nearly all my best friends are gorgeous women. If ever manage to get a steady girlfriend I'll probably have to deal with drama about that. That doesn't really seem like something I'll have to deal with for a while though. Sadly. Then again maybe not, I'm poor again. I guess not having a girlfriend does have its perks. I can spend my money on me. Although sex would make up for that. Just saying.
I really don't care who reads this. I'm tired of worrying about other people judging me for what ive done or said. If someone wants to stop talking to me over this so be it, I'm better off without the added drama and heartache.
And I've realized something this week. I bounce back. Last week and the week before I was depressed and a couple times considered just throwing my guitar into the car and driving as far away from here as possible. This only because I'm too apathetic for suicide. But this week, while granted I didn't leave the house but a couple times and spent all my time playing a new video game I felt content, once again focusing on my own happiness instead of seeking fulfillment from others. And while that might not be enough in a week I can look back and say, ok I was happy then how do I get there again and force myself to find what it is that truly makes me happy, or at least as close as I ever get.
One final thought. My lesbian friends posing naked for each others tattoos is the most kick ass thing ever. Nothing says I love you like a picture of your spouse naked permanently inked onto your body. God bless america.